insania

at first the view's exciting
there's static in the air
and clouds are gathering
the horizon is thick with
thunderheads and lightning
arcs in the distance

the wind picks up

this is what you wanted
no more feeling stagnant
or stuck and no more not
knowing what to say and
it's starting to rain

softly, lightly at first
and those first few drops
on your face feel like coming
to life and the breeze that
caresses your cheeks catches
up your breath and you know
that this is the perfect storm
the one you've been waiting for

the clouds roll closer and
the sky gets darker and you
can feel the energy of each
forked bolt of lightning and
you're revitalized and the
rain is falling harder now

the temperature drops

and this wind is blowing faster
whipping your hair around your
face and the sound of thunder
reverberates in your bones
resonating in your heart and
everything you wanted to say
finds a way out because there's
nothing holding you back now

the floodgates open

and you get so caught up
in it that you don't realize
your feet lifting up off the
ground or that there's nothing
solid left because you're so
thrilled with the weather

the wind gusts, taking you
up dangerously high and you
don't mind or notice as
everything inside comes
bursting out, sped on by
the lightning that's now
dashing past far too close
to your skin but still
all you know is you're flying

your words are your wings
and your song is your map
and your paint is your
propeller and you're speeding
through the vast expanse of
the excitement of the storm

then you feel it

the tiniest spark makes contact
with your skin and it shocks you
enough to break your focus but
you close your eyes and try to
get lost in the storm again

but then another spark, and
another, and another and just when
you realize you can't ignore them
anymore, a fork of lightning finds
its course through your body and
you look around and realize just
how far away from the ground you are

and suddenly everything is much
more hostile and it's no longer
your perfect storm, no, you've
given yourself to a hurricane
a tempest and this is not
what you thought you wanted

more lightning and the thunder
deafens, more wind and your
wings are broken, your words
falling apart, and your song
is faltering and you're swerving
off course and you're losing

and the rain has turned to ice
that cuts your cheeks and the
wind pulls at your hair, throwing
it into your eyes and you're
flailing, but not falling, searching
for something solid to anchor you

but there's nothing and the squall
carries you ever upward while
the thunder is an ominous growl
and there's cruel laughter in the
lightning saying that this was what
you were asking, waiting, begging for

and you can't tell your tears
from the frozen rain and the wind is
howling in your ears and every sense
is under assault while your stomach
churns and your words cease to
make sense because your head can't
make sense of anything anymore

but that you're up far too high
and your heart's about to burst
with panic and you're not sure if
you're trembling or if it's just
the thunder still resonating in
your bones but your body is starting

to fall apart and the storm is
tearing your mind to shreds and
you're spinning so fast that you
have no idea where the ground is
or which way is up and the lightning
takes control of your limbs and the
wind with greedy fingers reaches inside
and steals the scream right from your lungs


no one can hear you