RotG - A Bitter Frost - 11

My breath caught in my chest. There was no mistaking him at all. He wore the same Winter cloak he always had, the same breeches. He was barefoot, which might've seemed strange but for the fact that it was something Jackson Overland would've done. He had been such a trickster, doing anything to get a laugh out of people, so walking around in snow with no shoes on wasn't entirely unlike him. And in his hand, he carried... the images flashed back into my head, the lake the night that Jack drowned, the strangely-shaped branch by the hole in the ice and then a couple days later, the hole was still there but the branch had been gone. He carried it like he was used to it, sort of the way one would carry a staff, almost like it was just an extension of who he was rather than a branch he had picked up at random.

As quietly as I could, I darted to another closer rooftop, hiding myself behind a chimney. I wasn't sure at this point why I was hiding - maybe I'd just gotten so used to it. But part of me too wanted to see what he would do, how he was doing now that the Moon had chosen him and given him special powers. It was interesting to see how he had changed - the shock white hair was certainly the most noticeable difference. Up closer though I was just barely able to see that his eyes, once a warm brown, were now icy blue. He walked around the town square slowly, head down as though he was sad. It made sense that he would be, I supposed, given that everyone in this town thought him dead. It probably wasn't easy for him to return here, knowing that, the same way it wasn't easy for me to return either and to see everyone carrying on. As he walked, he tapped the branch against various things - stacks of wood, barrels, even the ground, and everything he tapped seemed to slowly become covered in frost. Bunny had said that Jack Frost had power over Winter elements, so the name was certainly fitting.

As my mind worked through all of the logic of seeing him, my heart was roiling with emotion. It was only a few years ago that I had skated with Jack across the pond just outside of the town. Only a few years ago, he had kissed my cheek, put his arm around me, smiled at me the way he smiled at no one else. We had hugged, he had kissed my hand over and over. We had spent so much time together. I had only been sixteen and at that age I had only imagined love in fairytales but there was no denying that love was what I had felt toward Jackson Overland. It was in everything about being near him - the warm feeling that had always erupted inside of me whenever I was near him, the way he made me blush so often or how self-conscious I got when he looked at me. Looking at him now, all of those feeling returned in a surging wave.

For the past few years, I had put him out of my thoughts, focused on the job instead of wondering what had become of him. I hadn't sought out Jack Frost and I had avoided returning to our hometown. I had pushed all of those emotions away, convinced that the grief would overcome me if I didn't. I had so carefully and so fully become Toothiana so that Tabitha's emotions and thoughts couldn't get in the way of Toothiana's duties, but yet seeing him brought me back to being the same sixteen-year-old Tabitha. It wasn't grief that I was feeling, though. Jack wasn't dead, like I had thought. Sure, he was quite different now, but he wasn't dead, and that was the most important thing. It still hurt to think of him falling through the hole in the ice, but maybe that was why the Moon had given him power over cold and ice, because of the way he died. I still couldn't believe that both of us could've been chosen by the Moon, but apparently the Moon will choose whoever he wants, whenever he wants.

The sky grew brighter though everything remained the same shade of gray underneath the cloud cover. Every muscle in my body was tensed and adrenaline seeped through my veins. My wings twitched eagerly despite me being perched and motionless. I wanted so badly to fly down to him, to hug him the way I used to, but something held me back. I was so different - I didn't even look human anymore, so it was ridiculous to expect that Jack would recognize me. Did he even know that I had died? I would've liked to think that he would've noticed my absence from the town - I liked to think that he had felt some of the same attachment to me that I had to him, but that might've been pretentious of me. Just because I'd been in love with him didn't mean that he had felt the same way, so it was possible that he wasn't even concerned with my absence. But I couldn't even know if he'd been back here before this, so maybe he didn't know only due to the fact that he hadn't seen enough to notice that I was missing. But what would he do if a half-human-half-hummingbird fairy suddenly flew up to him and hugged him as though he was a long-lost friend? There was no way that he'd know it was me, so if I wanted to introduce myself, I'd have to calm down first and take a more dignified approach. In the back of my mind, my logical side, the side so concerned with my duties, was telling me that I should leave, return to the Tooth Palace and continue collecting teeth, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. My heart was feeling something much too strong for my head to overrule. The boy I loved and thought dead for many years, the boy whom I had waited for by the ice until my own heart had stopped, was casually walking around the square of our hometown right in front of me, changed but very much alive.

Being an immortal creature made time pass in very strange ways and I watched Jack wander around the town until the sun had climbed very high in the sky and people were beginning to emerge from their houses to go about their daily lives. Jack was in plain sight and made no move to hide as the roads around him become busy with townspeople. I had thought he would leave - I myself was being quite careful to stay out of sight - but he still wandered the streets as people walked around him. He was certainly very aware of the people around him but it didn't seem as though they even knew he was there. He looked into the faces of people who were once our neighbors and friends and they didn't see him at all. Someone approached him from behind, about to run into him, but I gasped as instead of making contact, the young man walked right through Jack. A bit of surprise crossed Jack's face but was then replaced with another sad and somewhat resigned look, as though this was something he'd gotten used to.

I thought back to what I'd been told about the fact that people could only see me if they believed in me. Though I had gotten very good at hiding, there were still instances when children had seen me - really seen me - but other times when I'd been in plain sight of adults who weren't even aware that I was there. It was easily enough explained; children were young enough to still believe in magic and fantasy, and thus, the Tooth Fairy, but many adults had grown out of that, so children could see me while adults couldn't. Still, there were a few children in the crowd that didn't show any signs of being able to see Jack either. "Oh, Jack," I whispered quietly, wishing again that I could just fly down and hug him. I imagined that having people not see you would be a very lonely existence.

As he made his way around the square, I saw my family approach. They were all bundled up against the cold and my father carried his rifle, probably off to take the boys hunting, while my mother carried a sack which she used when she went about on errands. They passed by very close to Jack but he didn't seem to acknowledge them at all, and when Isaac and James walked right through him, he gave no sign of recognition. Maybe my family was not of great importance to him and I supposed that with everything else that had happened to him, it made sense, but I still felt a little defensive and a little hurt that he didn't even acknowledge them at all, whether or not they could see him.

But luckily enough, I saw Mr. and Mrs. Overland approaching with Pippa following behind from the other side of the square. My father greeted Mr. Overland while my mother and Jack's mother embraced. It looked like our fathers were both off to hunt together, taking the boys with them, while Mrs. Overland and my mother were going to do errands with Pippa in tow since she was still too young to be left at home by herself. If Jack saw this, it would probably be enough to make him realize that there was something strange about me not being there - after all, it was very unlikely that I would remain home instead of going to help my mother. If there had been work to do at home, my mother would've done it herself and sent me to do errands in her place.

Isaac and James were being the rambunctious boys they always were, roughhousing with each other as they and the men broke away from the ladies and headed out of town. Pippa clung to her mother but reached out a gloved hand as the snow began to fall harder. A few flakes came down on her glove and she drew them close to her face, just looking at them. Other children who were out were playfully trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues, but Pippa was more somber, just as she had been that day years ago after Jack's death when Winter was melting into Spring and her mother was taking her to the meadow. As the snowflakes melted on her glove, she took a deep breath, her little face sad, before clutching onto her mother, pressing her face into the side of her mother's cloak. I knew it must've been hard for her, being surrounded by the presence of Winter when it had been Winter that had stolen her brother away from her. Surely this display would get a reaction out of Jack. If there was anyone Jack would never be able to lose his feelings for, it was Pippa. After all, he had died in order to save her life.

But as I watched Jack, he walked right past them, not even looking at Pippa as she held tightly to her mother. As the ladies turned and headed off in the direction of the market, Pippa and Mrs. Overland both walked right through Jack. Just as before, he had a little expression of surprise, but nothing more as the resigned look returned to his face. It was as if even his own family, even Pippa, meant nothing to him anymore. It broke my heart to see it and tears once again formed in my eyes, my emotions overruling the part of me that had been so carefully focused on my job as the Tooth Fairy. Had Jack really let go of them that easily? It was one thing for him to be unconcerned with my family or even me, but for him to ignore Pippa... What had happened to him in the years since the Moon had chosen him? Did he really just not care? I couldn't believe that but what else could explain how little acknowledgment he gave to the presence of people he had once loved?

He walked around for a few moments more, his very presence seeming to give chills to the people around him as they pulled their cloaks more tightly around them and hurried on their way with their breath clouding in the air in front of them. Then Jack leapt into the air as a chill breeze swept through the square, and alighted on a rooftop near where I was hiding. "Alright, Wind," he said quietly, "time to go somewhere else." With that, a violently cold wind blew over the rooftops and Jack jumped into the air, caught by the gust and being carried away.

I darted into the air before I could even think about what I was doing and called out, "Jack!" He turned and I stopped, hovering in place while he looked at me with wide eyes. I knew he could see me, and his face was surprised at first, but then skeptical. "Jack..." I said, more quietly and a bit awkwardly. What could I even say?

"Who are you?" he asked bluntly, poised on the wind like he was ready to swoop away at a moment's notice.

"It's me, Tab-" I started, but I stopped myself, biting my lip. He didn't recognize me, which was completely understandable, given the dramatic change in my appearance, but after what I had just witnessed, maybe he didn't want to recognize me. Maybe he didn't want to be reminded of his human life anymore. Maybe he was moving on, the same way that I had, abandoning the person he had once been and fully embracing who he was now, Jack Frost. I could hear the resignation in my own voice as I said, "My name is Toothiana. I'm the Tooth Fairy."

He just looked at me for a moment more, then raised an eyebrow and saying, "Right..." and then before I could say anything else, he turned and darted away, flying upward through the clouds.

"Jack!" I called after him, more tears escaping my eyes, but he didn't turn around or look back. In mere moments, he was gone. I wanted so badly to follow him but it was clear that he had no interest in seeing me or spending time with me, so who was I to impose my presence on him? Unless he found me again and approached me, it was probably best that I just leave him be. It hurt to think that, but I would never want to do anything that would make Jack uncomfortable. Even if he didn't care about Tabitha anymore, I still loved him. I hovered there for a minute more, staring at the place where he'd disappeared into the clouds through tears, sobbing softly.

I shook my head after a moment, knowing that I should return to the Tooth Palace, but there was too much pain in my heart and I couldn't bring myself to fly upward to my new home, to fly away in the same direction that Jack had. Instead, I turned toward the town again. Flying over it slowly and just out of sight, I spotted Pippa with her mother and mine. The ladies had stopped to speak to a merchant and Pippa was looking around idly. I touched down just around the corner from where she was, and peeked out. "Pippa," I whispered, unsure that she would hear me or still be able to see me, but her head turned toward me instantly. There were no other children around and all of the adults were too busy going about their daily duties on the frigid day to notice as Pippa suddenly became entranced with what was apparently thin air. "Do you see me, Pippa?" I asked quietly.

She nodded, eyes wide. "You're the fairy," she whispered in shock, "the one I saw that Spring." She stepped a little closer to me. "You know my name?"

"Yes, I do," I said, wiping my eyes and trying to smile. "I know a lot about you, Pippa, including that you've lost three of your baby teeth." She gasped quietly. I gave a smile that was a bit more genuine.

"You're the Tooth Fairy!" she said in surprise, still whispering.

I nodded and smiled. "Yes, I am." I wasn't entirely sure why I had come to talk to her. Perhaps I needed the reassurance that someone who I cared about could still see me to make up for the pain of having been rejected by Jack Frost - but suddenly I had an idea. "I have a question for you, Pippa," I said. She nodded a little bit, eyes still wide. "Do you believe in Jack Frost?"

Confusion came over her face. "Who's Jack Frost?"

"Jack Frost is the Winter Spirit," I said, improvising. "He rides on the cold wind and brings Winter with him, making it snow and freezing things."

She looked down at the ground now, her mouth turning down in sadness. "My... my brother's name was Jack," she said. "He fell through the ice on the pond and died." She was about to start crying.

I reached forward and took her hands. It was the first contact I'd had with anyone human since I had died. "I know, Pippa. I know about what happened to him."

"Was that Jack Frost's fault?" she demanded indignantly. "If he makes things freeze, did he make the ice on the pond crack when Jack saved me? Is it Jack Frost's fault?"

Tears came to my eyes again as I saw the anger and hurt and pain in hers, her eyes that were so much like her brother's. "No, Pippa, it wasn't Jack Frost's fault," I said, reaching out and stroking her cheek. "If Jack Frost had been there," I continued, "I'm sure he would've made the ice freeze even more, I'm sure he would've saved your brother." People around us were starting to look at Pippa, chuckling to themselves. After all, it wasn't uncommon for a girl of her age to have an imaginary friend, and after the loss and pain she'd been through, who could've blamed her for seeking solace in the imaginary rather than dealing with reality? Her face scrunched up again as she clearly fought back tears. I squeezed her hands gently. "In fact, Pippa," I said, "If you believe in him hard enough, you might even see Jack Frost."

"What?" she said, wiping her nose as the cold air and the sadness started to make her sniffle.

"That's right. You can see me because you believe in me, don't you?" I asked with a smile and she nodded with some uncertainty. "Well, if you believe in Jack Frost, you'll be able to see him too. Maybe then you can ask him about what happened to your brother." I didn't know what Jack would tell Pippa if this ever happened, and maybe he didn't ever want to have to answer this question from her as he apparently didn't even care to be around her. But since he wasn't paying attention to her, just like I had wanted to comfort her after the service for Jack's death, I felt that I had to give her some sort of hope. "You know I wouldn't lie to you, right, Pip?"

Her eyes widened again. "Only Jack called me that," she whispered, her brow furrowing. I was surprised - it seemed like a fairly convenient nickname for her, so I thought that many other people must've called her by it, besides Jack and - "Only Jack and... Tabitha," she said, looking at me questioningly, tears in her eyes again.

I choked back another sob and forced a smile. "Maybe you can ask Jack Frost about her too," I said. I didn't know why I didn't just tell her the truth - maybe I was still afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle the emotions that would arise. After all, in the past couple hours, my heart had been through enough.

"Who are you talking to, Pippa?" Mrs. Overland said, turning to her daughter. I pulled my hands away from Pippa's and froze, and so did she for a moment.

"Um..." She glanced from me to her mother. "The Tooth Fairy?"

"Ah, I see," her mother said with a chuckle. "Well, you'd better tell the Tooth Fairy goodbye, we have to go," she said, smiling and taking Pippa's hand.

As her mother began to pull her away, she looked back at me. "Jack Frost?" she whispered urgently.

"Yes, Pippa, Jack Frost," I said. "Believe in him. He's as real as I am."

She nodded, and a tiny smile came to her lips. "Thank you, Tooth Fairy." She waved and then turned and followed her mom.

"Thank you, Pippa," I said quietly, standing again and watching her go. After a moment, I took a deep breath and then started flitting my wings and rose up into the sky. I wasn't sure what I had just accomplished, if anything at all, but I felt better. If Jack Frost didn't want to see me, then that was that. I'd still probably see him every once in a while anyway, and it still might hurt to know that he would never know who I really was, but I'd have to focus on my duties and put Tabitha aside again so I could just be Toothiana. I gave the town one last look, deciding that I would probably let my fairies handle anymore jobs there, and then turned and headed skyward through the cloud cover, to return to the Tooth Palace.