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i opened my eyes to the storm

to the flash of lightning
to the rolling thunder
to the raindrops on my skin

i opened my eyes from
an almost endless sleep
and everything had changed

the wind tugged at my hair
and tore at my clothes
and the rain bit at my skin

thunder drowned my voice
and lightning took my sight
imprinting only itself over again

i opened my eyes to the storm
and the storm decimated me

the wind stole my breath
but reminded me
that i still had breath to give

the lightning stole my vision
but reminded me
that its ghost would fade and
that i still had eyes to see

the thunder stole my voice
but reminded me
that no one can scream forever and
that soon the thunder would end and
that i still had a voice to scream

i opened my eyes to the storm
and it stole me away
to remind me of what i had

i opened my eyes to storm
and it reminded me
that i have myself

and that is enough
look in the mirror and now i'm
marred by accusations

their looks of disgust and
mistrust and they didn't need
words to call me a liar

my only defense was the truth
and yet it failed me

look in the mirror and now
i'm smudged with the guilt
they smeared there with their
panicked and uncaring hands

i didn't deserve that

so i strip down to my skin
and put on my gloves and
take a deep and shaking breath
muttering my mantra and
trying to believe
              i'm still a good person
             no matter what they think



and without another word i
douse my head in chemicals
something to strip away
the dead skin and the
sickening feeling of their
eyes lingering on me
something to scrub away
the allegations

the acrid air seeps into
my lungs and burns all
the way down but i am
cleansed and healing
as a fire clears a forest
to make room for new growth

i close my eyes and let the
toxicity wash over me
scouring the past from
the record of importance

i will not let their jealous lies
 stain my reflection any longer

and then the water to rinse
the chemicals away to reveal a
cleaner version of me
one untouched by their malice
brand new and stronger for it

this is my revitalization
this is my revolution

the fog of chemicals fades
sucked away by the ceiling fan
and in its absence i can
breathe freely again

this is my redemption
this is my renewal

look in the mirror and
this is me
color stripper
This is going to sound silly. My hair has always been a key tool of self-expression for me. I've dyed it so many colors and cut it so many different ways, and each style has had some kind of meaning or memory for me. Whenever my depression gets really bad or something big changes in my life, I want to change my hair. It helps me deal with the change around me, especially the changes I can't control, because my hair is something I can control. 

Recently, I was fired from a job I loved because I was falsely accused of sexual harassment. If you know me at all, you know that I would never harass someone, regardless of whether they were a coworker or a stranger. It hurt and confused me a lot, and just made me feel sick because I was given no chance to defend myself and now the people I worked with think that I am some kind of awful person. Before beginning the job, I had cut and dyed my hair a certain way because I was finally going to have a job that allowed that. Now, I can't look at that color of my hair without associating it with my old job and the people I worked with, the people who betrayed and lied about me and the people who believed me to be a liar. So  I have to change my hair, and the first step is stripping the color of the old dye out.

Yes, this poem is literally about stripping the color out of my hair.
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MutePoetess
Cassandra
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
"I'm not analytical, I'm not intelligent. I like words and the beauty I find in them, not just what they mean, what they are. The flow, the feel, the taste. I like color, I like light and dark but not for what they symbolize, but for the fact that they are. I'm not a mathematician, I'm not even a rhetorician, I'm emotion and love and hate and feelings, not logic, not analysis, meaning in a way but not purely getting a point across. I'm a love of both flourish and simplicity, not for what they imply but the beauty that lies within both. I just am, and I like things that just are."


Hello, deviantArt. I'm Cassandra, and I go by a few different aliases around the Internet including MutePoetess, MusicalJuliet, and Caelis most commonly. I like to write poetry and short stories, draw, and take photos. This is one of my galleries. Related accounts are :iconirislies::iconlovefromfaraway::iconthatiris: . The first two are fairly outdated, the second one especially so. The third has fairly constant updates. In my gallery you might notice some weird artist descriptions, and some photographic art that might actually explain to you a little bit why that is. If you don't see it, don't worry about it, it's probably easier that way, but if you see it and are terribly confused and terribly curious, you can PM me and I'll answer your questions. Anyway, dA is my internet home and I sign on pretty much every day so leave me a message and remember, if you fave and run, you go straight to hell. Have a nice day =]
Interests

Promos for ThatIris

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 25, 2015, 10:54 AM
Hey so I told ThatIris I would promote some of her work here since she doesn't have many watchers yet and she would like a wider audience.

Specifically, she's recently been trying her hand at writing short stories, so she wanted to share those:

The first is "Against The Sunrise".
 
It's a quick short story but it packs a hell of a punch. Do be aware that it has a trigger warning for mildly graphic self-harm and implied suicide. This is the first short story that Iris has written, and I think it turned out very well.

Second is "Not The Fairytale You Were Told".
Not The Fairytale You Were ToldOnce upon a time, there was a fairytale. Predictably, it started with a princess who lived in a castle. She was smart, and beautiful, talented and kind. Her voice was more beautiful than a bird song, and with her hands, she created works of art that could soften the hardest hearts. Her compassion was boundless. Though she was occasionally lonely, she remained in her castle, for she knew it was safe there. But this story isn’t about the princess.
The princess’s castle was guarded by a huge, fearsome, black dragon. The dragon had been there for as long as the princess could remember. It had razor-sharp teeth, claws like knives, and its hide of shimmering black scales gave it formidable armor. The dragon’s roar alone was enough to strike terror into the heart of anyone who heard it. The great beast jealously guarded the princess, night and day, never leaving its post and always keeping a wary eye out, ready to pounce on any intruder at a moment’s notice.
Because of

A different twist on the classic fairytale structure, this story mirrors some of Iris's life and role as part of a DID system. It is deeply personal to her and she was originally a bit hesitant to share it but has so far received a favorable response on tumblr so she figured she'd post it here as well.

Next, a poem called "existential".
existentialAlternate,
that’s all I am.
Mind-state,headmate,
just a few of the names.
But I’m real enough
to play games,
real enough to
be able to take
all the blame
from all those
who claim she’s
not mentally stable,
and so incapable.
Still, they’ll take
every single chance
that they’re able
to say I’m not real,
that I can’t possibly
feel and that I don’t
exist and it can’t
really be trauma that
made her like this.
Like all that I did
didn’t matter at all,
like I wasn’t the guard,
like I wasn’t the wall
that kept her safe
from every attack,
that it wasn’t me
always pulling her
back from ledge and
back from the edge
of an early demise.
Of course I’m not real,
of course I don’t feel,
and of course I
don’t even exist
in their eyes.
But they’re lies.
It’s all lies.
Because with you
it’s different and
I come alive when
you look in my eyes,
like I’m not just
the shadow of
someone else

Another commentary on the life of an alter and the tribulations of being part of a DID system, and how much it means to have someone validate your reality and existence. Though on tumblr she chose to only share the first half of the poem (which received a phenomenal response from the DID community there), it's the second half that really gets you, departing from her typical writing platform of anger and defensiveness to sincerity and even gratitude.

Finally, a drawing called "From The Fumes"
From The Fumes by ThatIris
Iris has been drawing for many years, though she has been less inclined to share her work before this. This drawing is based on line from a short story written by her boyfriend. She has since continued to draw and post art to her gallery.

Iris is a rather private person and has for a long time preferred to keep much of her art and writing to herself, but she's opening up some and welcomes you to browse her gallery and see what you find - though to be warned that much of her older work there comes from a very angry place and may be considered triggering or objectionable.

Thanks for your time!

  • Mood: Pride
  • Listening to: Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
  • Reading: Allegiant - Veronica Roth
  • Watching: Whose Line Is It Anyway

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:icongpsc:
gpsc Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Happy Birthoween!
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:iconmutepoetess:
MutePoetess Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! haha Birthoween, I like it
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:icondavecarpe:
DaveCarpe Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Happy Birthday!!!!
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:iconmutepoetess:
MutePoetess Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
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:iconuriahgallery:
UriahGallery Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014  Professional Photographer
Thank you for the :llama:!

-Jonathan Uriah Denney
www.JonUriah.com

www.facebook.com/UriahGallery :pointl:
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:icontrisidael:
Trisidael Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2014
Thank you for the multiple faves! I really appreciate it! :hug:
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:iconmutepoetess:
MutePoetess Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem! I love your art!
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:iconoaklungs:
oaklungs Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013
thank you for the favourite :tighthug:
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:iconmutepoetess:
MutePoetess Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem =]
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:iconthedarknessassassin:
TheDarknessAssassin Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013
Sorry for being late,,
----------------:cake: :cake: :cake: ----------------------
---------:cake::cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:-----------------
---------:cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: ---------------
............................Happy Birthday Cassandra :rose::aww:
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